(They think– I think not)

Actually “They Discovered the Sled “

Quiz time:

• What do people do when they can’t find work for an extended period of time?
• What is, or would be considered an extended period of time for the average person
• What denotes the terminology, average person?

Not to worry, it isn’t my intention to return to the beginning of time, to provide the proper documentation in order to answer the questions posed at my lead in.

Lead in; now that’s sounds so familiar to me.

In the event you’re curious, here are some possible answers as provided by the earliest of Cavemen, and translated by me for your convenience.

And yes, I do speak Cavemanish!

In the prehistoric era women had not yet developed a voice of their own. Most women hung out around the cave doing chores until the man of the cave needed something. The woman’s main assignment was carrying things around from place to place. This was not easy work, especially when the carrying took place as the man of the cave was dragging one of his gals by the hair. Most cavemen of substance kept three or four women at his beck and call. Since the language of the day was mostly grunts, groans, screams, and a variety of body sounds; (nothing has really changed) communications with each of the women of the cave was troublesome at best; which would explain why many of the women died as they were being pulled by the hair, from one location to another.

It was during one of these pulling by the hair incidents a great discovery took place. A particularly long woman (people were referred to as either long or not long in those days; since they had no language as yet, stretching ones arms apart would signify how tall or short a female was; arms apart for long, arms together for short) was busily carrying a heavy load of rocks, when her caveman decided he needed her help. As usual she couldn’t figure out what he wanted so he grabbed her by the hair and began to pull her in his desired direction. She lost her balance and was flipped over on her back as he continued to pull. It was then he discovered it was much easier to pull a load from place to place with the carrier flat on her back. Ergo the sled, as we know it today was discovered. This procedure also explains why many of the women expired while being dragged along the ground.

The procedure of human sledding didn’t last very long. In no more than six or seven hundred years the cavemen and cave women learned to communicate by the actual use of some primitive words; Many of those same words are still being used by members of our society today. It was also during this era that the first songbook came along. It happened as one of the cave women was performing the nightly chore of readying her mans bed. She accomplished this by warming the bedrocks she found lying around the cave. While carrying her mans hot rocks from the fire to the bed slab, she inadvertently dropped a few of them to the floor of the cave. As the rocks fell, some began to roll away from her; she tried picking them up, only to have the process continue. The rocks fell and rolled; she picked them up as others hit the ground. It was then that the rest of the family began to sway to the beat of the rocks hitting the ground. And of course, you guessed it; this was the beginning of rock and roll music as we know it today; the words were not discernable, but the beat was overpowering, especially in the larger caves with the high ceilings and long hallways.

“In Those Days”

· People and animals had a great deal in common; they wandered the earth. It was described on the walls of the caves as “wandering, or roaming”.

· A day, a week, and a month, it was all the same to them. Their work was called eating. When they became hungry it always felt like an extended period of time.

· They were all average. Everybody dressed the same; the men all carried clubs, and never shaved. The women didn’t carry clubs; they to didn’t shave. Romance was nonexistent. There was no candlelight; it was dangerous to stay out in the moonlight.

“The first rock group.”

They didn’t tour. They played the same cave every evening.

Circa unknown.

And now after many centuries of man’s development, lo and behold (I love saying “lo and behold”) there exists many curiosity questions for one to ponder. Why have so many things changed, while so many things have stayed the same? Why have most people thrown their clubs away (except for when they play baseball) while others look for folks to hit over the head? Although clubs and hitting has been supposedly banned from public use, hitting still remains a form of communication within certain tribes.

Have you taken notice; today’s cavemen shave less, while the women shave more? (Or do I have that backwards?) Or is that just in San Francisco?

And it appears to me people and animals still have much in common, especially when it comes to being hungry. Just like in the old days; a hungry animal is liable to do anything, depending on how hungry he happens to be. Human beings often react the same way. Some people actually still steal food; mostly from places like 7-11.

There’s a lot of strange stuff going on. The other day this guy was telling about this place he went to where the women are required to remain completely covered from head to toe when out in public. Many of these societal dictates remarkably resemble those of the original cavemen, minus of course the rock and roll music that they have also disallowed. I asked the guy about how a woman goes about getting a passport picture taken. “That’s easy”, he responded. “They’re not allowed to leave the country.” Wow! That is exactly what the cavemen did with their gals. Many of these societal dictates remarkably resemble those of the original cavemen, minus of course the rock and roll music they have also disallowed.

I began with

Quiz time:

· What do people do when they can’t find work for an extended period of time?

· What is, or would be considered an extended period of time for the average person?

· What denotes the terminology, average person?

Do I have answers to any of these questions? Probably not. But for this average person what I can do is bring forward my personal testimony after having been there, and in my minds eye always being able to remember living with the anguish.

· Each day without work is a day of frustration and wonder. How does the man who is working do it? How did he get there? Will I ever work again?

· Without means to satisfy ones obligations, is an extended period of time.

· Being average is an excuse for being average.

A Critique

By some who have read this work,

Feeling duty bound to ridicule and smirk,

Those of intellect so sorely lacking,

This author never the less revels in their attacking.

Truth be told

Ciphering the walls of a cave

Isn’t necessarily that bold.

What was then returns to us now.

Disclosed between these lines

The separation of man and things might be found.

New things have been invented; but man’s sameness will astound.

Wake up da harv. We can’t return to the beginning of time. Rarely can we ever return to anything that once was; except perhaps evil.

Actually no language was required. All they were able to do was draw pictures. It was of course the introduction to what was later known as “French Postal Cards” (Porn).

True they didn’t speak, but they could hum, especially at night when they were putting the cave kids down to sleep.

Today’s women still keep carrying things around for the men. Sleds have been replaced in the better cave garages with things called BMW’s. These gals may be seen scooting around and dropping off the kids like fish, at places called schools.

Some men still keep more than one woman on call. There are even men who pay to have these ladies waiting in different locations around the country. Many athletes and politicians fall into this category. The story of how the sled was invented is at best debatable, since the original translations of the pictures on the cave walls was done by a Middle Eastern scholar who had the women being depicted on the walls completely covered from head to toe with cloth that had not yet been invented. Other anthropologists claim the sled was invented during a heavy snowstorm. The woman merely lost her balance and slid down the snow and icy hill.

The history of rock and roll is exact. Today many folks do the very same things with their rocks; only now they’re plugged in electrically.

“In These Days”

· People still wander the earth, traveling by bus, train, plane and car. Today’s people rarely walk.

· Then and now, eating is eating.

· Today the police, baseball, and hockey players are the ones with the clubs. Many of them also carry guns in order to protect themselves from the average people. Cave women had men to protect them. Today’s women carry pepper spray.

· In the old days the average people all wore sandals. The average people today still all wear sandals. Cavemen didn’t have socks. Today’s men and women have socks, but find little need for them. In the old days feet were ugly; they still are. It was commonplace for a caveman’s butt to be revealed when he bent over; the same applies to a great many men today.

· Romance was non-existent then, and it’s becoming that way today.

· Cavemen didn’t pray. They still don’t.

Social graciousness has never been less average than it is today. Or is it just my imagination?