Three Parts To My Brain

OK then in response to the thousands upon thousands of requests, (actually one or maybe two people) I’ve decided to acquiesce; to accept, comply, and submit, tacitly, or passively with regard to da harv.

Translation, “This blogs for me baby”.

THE SCENE:

DAY, EARLY IN A TYPICAL AUDITION WEEK, AT THE WORLD FAMOUS STUDIOS (perhaps not but I happen to like the way it sounds) OF KALMENSON & KALMENSON, THE MOST INTEGRITY-RIDDEN, AND DRIVEN (that of course is an understatement) FOLKS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD OF VOICE OVER!

TODAY WAS TO BE ONE OF GREAT SUFFERING; OUR OWN DA HARV WAS SET TO AUDITION SOME TWENTY-FIVE OF THE BRIGHTEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. (I love saying “The United States of America”). THE SUFFERING PART COMES BECAUSE DA HARV IS KEPT BEHIND GLASS, SEALED IN AN ALMOST AIR TIGHT AND SOUND-PROOF THING THEY REFER TO AS A CONTROL ROOM. WHAT EVER MIGHT BE RUNNING THROUGH THE MAN’S MIND AT THE SIGHT OF THIS OVER ABUNDANCE OF EYE CANDY, TURNS OUT TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN HIS OWN PERSONAL REALITY SHOW; JUST PERFECT FOR HBO.

ALL IS SET ON THIS DAY. THE SCRIPTS ARE OUT IN THE RECEPTION AREA, ALONG WITH A PAGE OF SPECIFICATIONS TO ASSIST THE TALENT WHILE REHEARSING FOR THE AUDITION. TODAY’S AUDITION IS KNOWN AS A PSA; PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. THIS PARTICULAR PSA IS SEEKING DONATIONS FOR A WORLD WIDE GROUP, WHICH HELPS ABANDONED CHILDREN.

THE DIRECTION FOR EACH ACTRESS TO FOLLOW:

”KEEP IT SIMPLE AND DIRECT.

DON’T GET SAPPY.

THE VISUAL IS VERY STRONG AND REQUIRES VERY LITTLE EXPLANATION.

TOTAL HONESTY IS THE NAME OF THE GAME.”

First Person Singular

Let the games begin. The very first actress in to read, in a matter of seconds breaks into tears after delivering a sentence or two. Time out. The game stops. Naturally I ask what the problem was, or is; all the time knowing more or less what it had to be. You see… after thirty plus years of doing this, this director has developed similar emotional tendencies as his players. The magic, but not mysterious word is certainly reflection. Reflection and truth are synonymous.

“What did you recall?” I asked her. She responded with her own question to me; one I’ve heard more often than it would be possible to recall. Thinking of the past is a common occurrence for all of us. Recalling a memory, regardless of its content, is an instant assimilation of the truth.

Her recollections were of her early years as an orphaned child. She had grown and excelled as a good human being. What brought the tears was the visual of those kids who were experiencing a page from what resembled her own.

“How can I avoid this from happening to me again?” she asked. Always a tough question to answer; we seek the truth by conjuring up the past. All I could offer as a solution to excess emotional display is what sometimes works for me.

(Please take note…I said sometimes.) If it’s a script I’m to read, especially if its before a group, I’ll read it out loud over and over again with as many repetitions as time will allow. The other method is to attempt to remove ones self from any form of identification with the subject matter.

Note: If we perceive it as the truth, then that’s what it is.

***

Actress

(Not the same one)

(To da harv with complete seriousness)

You come across as if you have two brains, while the rest of us must live our lives with merely one.

da harv

(To the actress with complete seriousness)

Huh?

Actress

I mean you feel for what we’re doing or attempting to do, as if you were doing it yourself.

da harv

(To the actress with complete seriousness)

Excuse me. I am doing it myself. Think about this; I’m doing three separate things: directing, acting, and being an audience. As the director, I try to speak your language. As the actor I attempt to feel it the way your feeling it. And then as the audience, I’m listening for your truth to emerge.

da harv

(cont.)

It’s not that I have more than one brain…it’s that my brain, the one that I have and use regularly, has three separate compartments: left, right and of course the one I consider as the most important part, the middle, my central chamber.

Actress

(Smirking)

Central chamber? I’m really very serious about my question. I was trying to compliment you. You on the other hand sir, are being facetious.

da harv

Flippant would be a good word as well; you, my lady, are dealing with da harv’s central chamber. It’s my practice to treat serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor, or perhaps even acting a touch. I need to …it helps to keep me sane.

Actress

I was talking about your ability as a director.

da harv

I’m not ever centered on the seriousness of self. I do what I almost always do; I placed your comment right smack in the center. Ergo, my center brain compartment…

Actress

Why?

da harv

It keeps me sane.

Actress

How?

da harv

Knowing it’s there for me to use if I want to; my chamber of ridicule…Right there in the center of my brain, able to go to either side effortlessly…

Actress

You mean you store the crap in the center?

da harv

Now you got it!

Actress

Why would you store crap to reflect on?

da harv

Think about it. Isn’t there a certain amount of crap in everybody’s life? If we remove all the bad things from our reflective repertoire, what roles would there be for us to portray?

Actress

Thank you for that Harvey Kalmenson. I never thought about it that way before.

da harv

You’re very welcome. I got it from Stanislavski.

***

First Person Singular

COMMERCIAL VOICE OVER IS A PART OF LIFE. SO YES IT DOES HAVE SOME CRAP AS PART OF IT. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. YOU MIGHT JUST FIND A PLACE TO STORE IT FOR ANOTHER DAY.